Best Spam Email EVER!

I fished the following message from my 'spam' folder. Oh yeah, I really feel confident that by contacting "this God Fearing Lender" I will end up with his money, rather than the other way around.

To Whom it may concern,

I will start by way of introduction,my name is Dr Bruce Cook from USA,i have been a victim of so many scams in an attempt to secure a business loan on the Internet until a friend of mine introduced me to this God Fearing Lender Mr Prathip Kumar by name and to my greatest surprise he granted me a loan of $240,000 within a period of one week. In deed it was a grate miracle

So my dear brothers and sisters in desperate need of Loan,i advice you contact this man and avoid prey in the hands of numerous fraud stars on the internet

His name is Mr Prathip Kumar
Email contact: prkumarfinance@aol.com
Mobile:+918951603135

If you are in need of a loan kindly contact him and secure your loan stress free.
I look forward to seeing your testimony
Dr Bruce Cook

Life With Portuguese Water Dogs

For those not familiar with the Portuguese Water Dog, they are intelligent and driven to do some sort of work nearly all the time. As an intelligent dog, when bored they will find a way to keep themselves entertained. For the unprepared, that entertainment might be at the cost of any variety of household goods.

Such was the case last night. Rachel and Cedelia were left alone for a few hours while we visited my folks. They left some evidence of their 'work' for the evening:

Rachel has always had an affinity for paper products

Usually she will paw at the roll, leaving something akin to swiss cheese

Last night, however, we witnessed an unusual feat of canine dexterity

For which Rachel (L) and Cedelia (R) seemed duly proud!

For what it is worth, these are not playful puppies that will grow out of their amusing ways. Rachel turns 13 this summer (2011) and Cedelia turns 9 in March.

Favorite Photo

I don't carry a camera with me as much as I should. On occasion, I get lucky by being in the right place at the right time with camera in-hand. I'd prefer my photography to be more 'Ansel' worthy than this. But on occasion an image presents itself that cannot be resisted.

A little background: The Salt Lake City area is home to a fairly large number of Pacific Islander families. One of their contributions to the local culture is high school graduates wearing flower leis with their cap and gown - whether an islander or not.

One day about five years ago in late May I drove past a local florist promoting this popular trend. The result, as you will see, is perhaps a bit different than intended:

I don't recall my high school graduation being quite so interesting.

Resume

My employment search continues.  At least I am in good company.  I network with a number of professionals who have been looking for over a year as well.  All are good people who will be great assets to their future employers.

As an experiment in social networking, my resume follows.

Drop me a line if you know of anyone I should speak with that may know of someone looking for a well-rounded marketing guy.  The e-mail address below is a bit 'spammer-proofed', but you get the idea.

Lincoln Newey

Sandy, Utah

Lincoln [dot] Newey [at] gmail [dot] com

MARKETING PROFESSIONAL / MANAGER

Career Summary:  MBA with 10+ years managing products, projects and people in the healthcare, computer software, financial and customer service industries.  Resolving internal process and external customer service issues; developing products, collateral and other tools for more effective sales.  Training and supporting national sales forces in Fortune 100 and small enterprise settings.

Skills:  Creative and analytical marketing skills.  Collaboration skills leading teams to develop new products, improve sales processes and increase customer satisfaction.  Strong deliberative skills with a keen sense of responsibility for both customer and company needs. 

Significant Accomplishments: 

·         $4 million profit recovery ($15 million company) through customer analysis and market realignment

·         $130,000 additional revenue ($15 million company) by leading sales process improvement project

·         Saved $50,000 in design agency fees ($12 million company) by creating collateral and print ads

·         Helped $5 million companies ‘look’ like $20 million companies with marketing and design techniques

·         Created and delivered ‘all hands’ customer service improvement program resulting in 25% affiliate network growth through existing customer referrals and industry word-of-mouth

EMPLOYMENT HISTORY

All Resort Group, (All Resort Limousine), Park City, Utah, Division / Affiliate Manager, 2004 – 2009

Marketing, ad and collateral design, sales support, customer service training, increased affiliate network

Senior Care Advisors & Ins., Salt Lake City, Utah, Marketing / Public Relations Director,2002 – 2004

Sales process and collateral design, radio presentations, press releases and relations, customer service

Fidelity National Information Systems, Salt Lake City, Utah, Marketing Coordinator, 2001 – 2002

Published customer newsletter, wrote press releases, managed direct mail campaign, increased sales

Data Systems International, Layton, Utah, Project Manager, 1999 –2000

Hardware/software installation, customization project management, sales support, collateral writing

COMPanion Corporation, Salt Lake City, Utah, Product Manager, 1997 –1999

Collateral development, product documentation, new product launches, customer social networking

Aetna Health Plans, (Home Office), Middletown, Connecticut, Integrated Product Sponsor, 1995 –1996

Managed product, approved variations, trained national sales force, lead product development team

Aetna Health Plans, (Human Affairs Intnl.), Salt Lake City, Utah, Underwriting Consultant, 1990 –1995

Analyzed and projected claims, customized proposals, grew department from 1 to 5, fixed process issues

EDUCATION

MBA, Emphasis: Marketing, Westminster College, Salt Lake City, Utah

BS, Major: Economics, Minor: History, University of Utah, Salt Lake City, Utah

Stuff My Dad Said

My Dad has a unique, dry sense of humor that on occasion quietly delivers a devastating blockbuster punchline.

Years ago as teenagers, my younger brother Paul and I learned that Dad ordered a dump-truck load of steer manure for use as lawn fertilizer. The load arrived on a Saturday morning in early April. Of course we were expected to help Dad move and spread the manure on the lawn.

Our house sat on a hill with the backyard downhill from the curb where the offending mass of poop was delivered. Dad shoveled the manure into garbage cans which Paul and I would move into the backyard and dump onto the lawn for later spreading. Fortunately there was a bit of snow left from earlier storms that we packed into a 'slide' on the path around the house. This made moving the loads much easier than carrying the cans.

Somewhere in the middle of this adventure, I noticed a large dark passenger van pull-up to the opening to the cul-de-sac on which we lived. Out poured a number of couples in their Sunday-best, each with a portfolio or bag of some sort. Yup, the Jehovah's Witnesses had arrived to work the neighborhood.

Two of the younger (and more attractive, as a then 17-year-old would think) young women started up the other side of our cul-de-sac and fairly quickly worked their way around the circle. Pretty much everyone on the circle was LDS and not inclined to engage in any sort of meaningful discussion with the JW's. Dad was the only person these two missionaries were going to chat with on that street, so they had him in their sights by the time they got to our house, last one on their rounds.

Paul and I moved two or three cans of poop downhill while these two missionaries engaged Dad in their pitch. We could see on each return trip Dad shaking his head and politely trying to get these young womone to move-on, without success.

Finally Dad had enough (fortunately as Paul and I came into ear-shot). Dad, waiving his hands in front of him said, "Look, look look. You are spreading your stuff, I'm spreading mine. Have a nice day!" and returned to his work loading steer manure into a waiting garbage can. The two red-faced missionaries quickly left and returned to the waiting van.

I'd love to hear their version of the story...

Godspeed, Uncle Bob

Robert Leroy Newey died September 29, 2010. My Dad's brother is the only uncle that I've had any real memory of. He was, to my childhood memory, always the coolest. His home in Ogden was decorated in the original '60's look that is coming back again. I loved spending Christmas or Thanksgiving in their home with cousins and grandparents and my introduction to the joys of stretching out and napping on the floor after a great meal. These visits are also my first memories of watching football on TV, never really caught on to that though.

Our families took occasional vacations together and Dad and Uncle Bob even bought a condo in Park City in the mid-70's as both families enjoyed skiing. I seem to recall Dad saying in amazement at the time that it cost 'almost $40,000!'  I hate to think what that condo would go for now, sitting just off upper-Main Street. But again, this was a time where Dad could put four or five kids on the slopes of Park City for '...fifty whole dollars!'  We would ski with sandwiches in our pockets because '...I’m not paying outrageous prices for lunch too!’

As much as we did together as families, I never really got to know my uncle. There were the big-band records that we found stored on the TV/turntable console that came with the condo. I recall a commemorative plate on his wall at home that had the image of a WWII era bomber in the center. I seem to recall as a child seeing some sort of Air Force-like uniform stored in my grandparents' basement (my only reference to the Air Force at the time was 'I Dream of Jeannie' reruns).

Other than that, the distance widened with Uncle Bob's divorce in the early '80s. We kept fairly close with our cousins as they matured, married and had children of their own. We also kept close to Aunt Cammy after the divorce, more so than with Uncle Bob as he moved on with his new wife and life.

Somehow, in spite of the distance between me and my Uncle, I’ve developed an appreciation of jazz music (maybe not so much big band though). At the funeral Bill Bockas, a good friend of Uncle Bob played a medley of jazz tunes ‘after the style of Erroll Gardner’. I was pleased with myself for at least recognizing the name of this jazz piano great, even if I couldn’t identify his ‘style’ if you asked me. As the medley began I smiled as the first tune was easily recalled as ‘Stardust’. The second tune moistened my eyes as I recognized the classic ‘Someone to Watch Over Me’ (a sentimental favorite). The final tune, 'Misty' choked me up as this standard came through the transition. What a great musical send-off for a friend.

In the early '80s I was surprised to learn that Uncle Bob was on the Utah State Board of Regents. As a student at the University of Utah I attended the installment of Chase Peterson as President of the 'U'. As the processional of dignitaries filed-into the Special Events Center, there with the other Regents was my Uncle Bob! Of course I had no idea until then there was such a thing as a ‘Board of Regents’, much less what they did. However it was pretty cool to know that my uncle was on the board with some very well-known community leaders.

Uncle Bob is best known as the Weber County Attorney that personally prosecuted the case against the Hi-Fi Killers -- a horrible robbery turned torture, rape and murder case that still sends chills down the spines of those old enough to remember. Bob later became a juvenile court judge in Ogden's 2nd District Court.

I learned quite a lot about my uncle at his funeral. He played drums through his life and was quite a dancer in his day. He flew the Martin B-26 in WWII in the 9th Air Force (known variously as the 'widow maker' and 'flying prostitute'). I do remember Dad telling me a bit about Uncle Bob’s service when the movie ‘Battle of the Bulge’ was on TV. As I recall, there is a point where General Patton’s battle plan calls for aerial bombing at a specific time, however the bombers are grounded by fog which really throws-off Patton's plans. That, apparently, was a mission my Uncle Bob was supposed to fly. I know nothing of his other missions, other than what I've seen since his death on Wikipedia.

Uncle Bob continued his military service in the Air Force Reserves, finally retiring as a Lt. Colonel even while serving in his various civilian community service roles. He was buried with military honors.

Godspeed, Uncle Bob on your new adventures, on your freedom from the pain and illness that takes you from family and friends at the end of a life of community service.

Too Cool Not to Share

I came across this video off of an NPR Twitter feed.  Once you get past the initial talking heads that explain (kind-of) the process, the balance of the video is beautifully shot and worth repeating!

Making Future Magic: iPad light painting from Dentsu London on Vimeo.