Stuff My Dad Said

My Dad has a unique, dry sense of humor that on occasion quietly delivers a devastating blockbuster punchline.

Years ago as teenagers, my younger brother Paul and I learned that Dad ordered a dump-truck load of steer manure for use as lawn fertilizer. The load arrived on a Saturday morning in early April. Of course we were expected to help Dad move and spread the manure on the lawn.

Our house sat on a hill with the backyard downhill from the curb where the offending mass of poop was delivered. Dad shoveled the manure into garbage cans which Paul and I would move into the backyard and dump onto the lawn for later spreading. Fortunately there was a bit of snow left from earlier storms that we packed into a 'slide' on the path around the house. This made moving the loads much easier than carrying the cans.

Somewhere in the middle of this adventure, I noticed a large dark passenger van pull-up to the opening to the cul-de-sac on which we lived. Out poured a number of couples in their Sunday-best, each with a portfolio or bag of some sort. Yup, the Jehovah's Witnesses had arrived to work the neighborhood.

Two of the younger (and more attractive, as a then 17-year-old would think) young women started up the other side of our cul-de-sac and fairly quickly worked their way around the circle. Pretty much everyone on the circle was LDS and not inclined to engage in any sort of meaningful discussion with the JW's. Dad was the only person these two missionaries were going to chat with on that street, so they had him in their sights by the time they got to our house, last one on their rounds.

Paul and I moved two or three cans of poop downhill while these two missionaries engaged Dad in their pitch. We could see on each return trip Dad shaking his head and politely trying to get these young womone to move-on, without success.

Finally Dad had enough (fortunately as Paul and I came into ear-shot). Dad, waiving his hands in front of him said, "Look, look look. You are spreading your stuff, I'm spreading mine. Have a nice day!" and returned to his work loading steer manure into a waiting garbage can. The two red-faced missionaries quickly left and returned to the waiting van.

I'd love to hear their version of the story...